10/29/06

Self reflections

I once told myself that no matter what, these 2 years of army life, I must live it to the fullest.  The reason being that time never stops, why should I waste my time whining about the 2 years and 'chao keng' than try my best to be a leader in the army.  

Now I am in it, I feel that what I had once told myself might not turn out the way I want it to be.  My life has been shifted towards the negative sides these while.  I am now a pessimistic person, I don't try things and I always assume that somehow or someway, things will be done by itself and I chose not to bother myself about it.  

Where have my true self been?  Someone tell me wheres My confidence, faith and believe?  The god damn complacent and arrogant me has become a pessimistic and negative butthole.  I don't enjoy all these negative thoughts.  I kept things to myself so that it doesn't bother other people, or sometimes I find it hard to express myself to friends and they seem to have problems understanding me. I let my happy side stay with them.   

Deep inside, this loneliness haunts me every now and then.  I took a spin by myself for a short while.  Its boring but at least I'm driving around and looking at things that's happening around.  I asked myself again, when I can be able to roam around freely again like I did before?

Looking at my recent blog entries, I realised that my personalities had really shifted alot towards the negative side and moving it back isn't that easy and possible as what I had thought off.  Sometimes when I should take things easy, I took it hard.  When I should take things hard, I took it easy.  Its kinda weird, and I don't know how to explain it either. 

Did the devil took over me!? 

Time is always short whenever I bookout and I always wanted to go out instead of staying home but yet I can't.  Things must be done and planned before I can leave my house so that I don't cock things up.   I miss my friends real lot, but yet I had little time for them.  I really don't enjoy this.

I'm going for my field camp this week.  I am so not-looked into it because I don't know how I am going to survive in there for 7 days in those combat rations and those days that we can't have proper bath.

10/28/06

its almost half

Time just seem to fly by me so fast, its been 3 weeks since I'm into the army.  Next week I will not be booking out because I have a field camp next week and I'm seriously not so looked-into it because I can imagine how life can be in the jungle every night to sleep.   And hopefully it doesn't rain much next week!

I did my first sentry guard duty in the morning and it was fun except that it was tiring.  And damn it, I had to stand in for the last detail and wait for the next detail to come in and they were late for 2 hours.  The most annoying thing is that they still have the cheek to come and tell me 'hey guys, I'm here to save you all from your guard duties!' Its like fuck la, I had to stand in for them 2 hours lor, damn it.  (yes,

The trainings this week weren't that tedious compared to week 1 and I felt that the trainings are really getting more and more slack. 

Its a pain to miss someone and yet not to tell them.  It hurts to the extreme.

10/24/06

First book in!

I've been at home the past few hours, surfing the web, looking at mtvs and finding my chemical romance's new album.  Thumbs up to their songs!

The past few days were fun with my friends, playing DOTA in katong, watching movies at wee hours.  I couldn't stand the insufficient hours of sleep so I decided to stay home today, and I've visited the VIVO city yesterday! =D

Alright I've gota book in now. Cya peeps.

10/20/06

My first bookout!

Today's the first bookout from the army camp.  What other words can I say other than: SONG!

The treatment inside were still fairly well la, but the first 2 confinement weeks are definitely a sort-of previlidged-honeymoon week for us.  The tortures will start next week onwards, anyone who drips a drop of water will cause the whole platoon to redo the water parade, anyone who's late will cause the whole platoon to be punished and etc.  Everyday  exercising in the morning and the haze condition is rather bad there as well.

I held on to my tears while taking the oath to serve, and  bidding farewell to my family members in Tekong.   And the oath I took to take good care of my rifle. 

Every night I would take out my Ipod to look at the pictures and eventually miss my friends.  I know if I could hold on and persist, I will see them again soon and I did it.

I tried to blog about my thoughts every night into wordpress and it defintely works, I know.

The first week was horrible.  Remember I didn't catch a wink at all before I went for the enlistment?  That was a damn bad idea.  I end up finding myself like a cock in the middle, lost my sense of directions and really felt blur and confused.  First few nights didn't sleep well and almost teared because I really wonder what the fuck. am i doing there and so on.  Its really like suddenly going back into the school days whereby I gota learn something from scratch and it's not easy for me to absorb something that does not interest me at all.  I don't have a choice at all.  Keeping things going on, I kept on asking people around me how to do this do that, and sometimes they teach, sometimes they ignore.  Its something I expect la, just gota be more independent and attentive.

And comes the second week, which was rather slack.   Every morning we go for the virtual shooting program until noon, and had our lunch, then go for some talks; either the magazines talk or the National Education talk.  Had our first standby area and the result was up to standard la, that's why I get to book out early in the noon as well.  And damn the SOC thingy, I can't imagine I had to wear 5-8kg of items on my body and run all the 11 obstacles in it.

I will be having a long weekend, from today till tuesday evening.. will be watching Dead or Alive soon, and some friends told me that there's a steamboat on sunday evening, and monday celebration desmond's birthday.. pretty packed.  I wanna go ktv but I think there's not enough time, and I still gota polish my boots, buy some army stuffs and get my wrist rubbed because I can still feel the pain after the fall while roller-blading 4 weeks ago.  Apparently the sinseh skills weren't that good enough.

10/6/06

in count of 4hours

I'm not asleep yet.  Not because I'm leaving soon, but I just came back from Double-O for clubbing with Xy Ade Pat Bert Mervyn Tox.  Supposedly to be going to Day Bed Bar (not sure if its spelt correctly) but majority felt boring to go bar, so last minute changes overruled Xy's stubborn-ness.  Thanks for the fun night guys, and I do appreciate you all for forking out time to accompany me! 😀  +100 friendship to everyone of you alright!

I've had some good and bad times in this holiday, but thanks to all my friends for being there for me.  And thanks to the lepak'ers for accompanying me through several days and nights 😀

And I'm trying to figure out a way to blog via SMS so that I can still carry on blogging and perhaps life won't be so boring in there.

I'll miss the internet, the place where I look for entertainment.
I'll miss my friends, for being here for me,
I'll miss my family for doting on me,
I'll miss my dad's van, always available for me at night for me to spin.
I'll definitely miss everything that I have here right now.

oh fuck, i forgot to mention I will MISS MY ELECTRIC GEEKTAR!! 

And I hope I will have a well-disciplined buddy in the army, friends to take care of themselves and smoke less please! Cigs ain't cheap in Singapore!  Then just feel free to sms me, because when I can switch on the phone at night, I hope there's someone who will message me

10/5/06

1 last day

Attended the hearing at the subordinate court today.  I was so damn surprised to see that the court is like a marketplace; people walking in and out of the room hastefully, totally unconcerned about the hearing that is taking place in the court.

So right after my dad got into the court, he was summoned and was told to return on 16 november (which is 6 weeks later) for another hearing.   The process took not more than 2minutes. Then he was locked up in a room and I have to bail him out once again.  I have to be here again for the next hearing with him but I'll be in Tekong, hopefully the officer will allow me to have an early weekend out that week.

All these procedures took some time; we came out at about 12.20pm and found that our van has got a summon ticket for displaying an expired coupon (you can't blame me, I was busy inside doing the administration work for the bail!).

Bought and delivered some mooncakes to his customers in the afternoon, and then went to quote new projects, that's all.

Tomorrow's the last day for me to have fun! =/ 

10/4/06

2 more days

What a boring title of counting down to surrender my civilian status, but its nothing more than to remember what shit I am going through before entering that damn island.

Gota wake up real early to accompany my dad to the Loyang 'Tua Pek Gong' temple to offer our prayers, and hopefully everything will go fine for his courtcase that will start at 0930 hours .  Feeling kinda nervous now.

I'm worried because he never seem to share anything with me, and I didn't probe much because I don't want him to get emotionally affected by that incident.

I can't be beside him anymore 2 days later =/

My remaining time is ticking away real fast.