All these while.

I thought I am alive all these while. Little did I know that I am that easy to be dead. I saw her today walking past the bus that I boarded. I really wanted to slap myself, I suddenly got the urge to just get down the bus and start a conversation with her again but I know that she would be giving me cold shoulders again. So I thought, what for?

And then out of incontrol-ability, I took out the mobile phone from my pocket and message her to tell her to cheer up because she looked sad. I’m rather numb to her not replying any of my messages because I know she didn’t felt the need to. She didn’t care. And I thought again, what for?

The worse shit: I couldn’t bring myself to pretend I don’t know her at all, its just isn’t natural and she didn’t want to give me a chance. I know there’s nothing I can do and I should have moved on long ago, but whenever I tried to moved on, she just appear out of nowhere in my life, just a flash in a second and it simply get me turned around.

I really want to just, show a little concern for her as a friend although its redundant. Everything’s pointless. I don’t even have the courage now to tell someone else that I like her. I hesitated for 6 god damn fucking months and yet done nothing about it. Why? Because I don’t even want to be entangled in those "I-will-be-with-you-forever" relationships; it’s all a lie. "Promises are meant to be broken", that was what she told me everytime we quarrel. Its just so true.

Can anyone really hear me out there?

I’m so stucked
I’m so fucked
I’m so tarded
Save me.

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